I am not one to stay up past midnight (not ever, really), but I got completely caught up on my sleep over the weekend and so I decided to stay up late tonight doing some reading for the week ahead. I’ve only done a passable job on that, but I have had a very enjoyable quiet evening here Chez Liz (except for a brief trip out to Buffalo Wild Wings, one of my favorite noisy-and-hence-highly-productive spots to read).
I have been mulling over posting what is about to follow for some time, resisting mostly for the same reasons that I rarely post anything terribly personal here. But, as it’s past midnight and my guard is somewhat down, I decided to give it a whirl. Why not? (I can actually respond to that rhetorical question with many solid answers, but oh well.)
I know many people have been somewhat worried about me in the last few months, particularly last November/December, and with some good reason. To be honest, I spent an awful lot of 2008 floating around in a pretty unfortunate fog. That’s not to say that it was a terrible year, because it really wasn’t, but there were some definite downer moments (my birthday, for example, SUCKED… sheesh) and by the time finals rolled around in December, I was in a very bad mental place. I don’t cope well with anything less than effusive happiness, and to be honest, by the time I made my escape to Arkansas for Christmas, I was, for all intents and purposes, scaling the walls of my apartment. Getting out of town and spending some time in a familiar place was just what I needed.
Since I’ve been back (and I’m quite sure the not-insignificant introspection/reflection brought on by the most unfortunate incident in Dyersburg helped), life has felt completely different. I can attribute the positive turnaround to a few things… part of it has just been that I was able to ground myself while I was gone for the holidays. Part of it was, yes, coming to grips with the fact that I should not have gotten off so lucky in Dyersburg. Part of it has been the ongoing positive experience of seeing a really gifted counselor who has given me “homework” assignments that have universally proven to be extremely helpful and inspiring. Part has been my ongoing recommitment to working out regularly (most days of the week), which last week finally got me back in the pool swimming laps. Even though the Incredible Shrinking Liz project has been less of a priority in terms of food intake, my exercise regimen has been so effective that I am swimming faster and more rigorously than I ever have before in my life and STILL just barely making it into my target heart rate zone!! Incredible!!
And, finally, one other part of the recent uptick in general life outlook has been the introduction into my life a few people who have fast become very positive forces in this orbit I call my life. I would never subject them or myself to a detailed rendering here. Suffice it to say, however, that it feels great to be forging new relationships with people who are local — because, as much as I love my longtime friends, you’re all so damned far away!!! 😉
The events of the last few weeks have given me hope in a way that I haven’t had in a while, and it feels *wonderful*. School is engaging and interesting and so exciting this semester (my classes are absolutely *incredible*!!!). Working out has me feeling energetic and in far-better-than-normal physical shape. I am avoiding sugar well enough (even if not completely) to feel mentally clear and stable. I’ve been making a concerted effort to get to know my colleagues on campus better. I’ve made a couple of good (new) friends off-campus. And, perhaps most significantly, I’ve benefited tremendously from the introduction of one person in particular into my life, someone who makes me laugh (the deep, from-the-belly kind of laughter), engages me in the kinds of conversations I’ve always wanted to have, and with whom I just genuinely have loads of fun. I needed to get myself (and my life) into a more positive space before I could find that. It’s a little bit of something special that it’s all come together so well in such a remarkably short amount of time.
I’m really happy. So if you’re one of the people who has been worried about me, please place your worries aside. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more balanced, healthy, or positive… and that’s saying something! 🙂 But seriously, I really am just very happy.