I get a good chuckle out of the Quick DFW horoscope. Like yesterday’s:
Today is a 4
There’s plenty of work for you. Too much, even. It isn’t fair, but that’s just life. Keep checking things off your list.
I guess it’s inevitable that others at TWU will find this out soon enough,… so I will go ahead and reveal what happened at work yesterday. Yes, I know, you’ve all been waiting with baited breath, right? 😉
(Aside: I mention the whole they-will-find-out-soon-enough business because I have been afraid, from day one, that someone with an axe to grind against me at my workplace would read my blog and use what I say here against me somehow.)
UTD released its spring schedule Monday afternoon sometime. I got my first peek at what may lie ahead for my spring semester at school just before my afternoon class began, and it didn’t look good. I say that because even though I’m not entirely 100% sure which three classes I will need to take for my cohort, I am entirely 100% sure that all three will conflict with my TWU work schedule of M-F 8-5.
Currently, two of my three classes conflict; one of those is an extremely obtrusive conflict because the class is on Monday from 2-5 p.m. Given the roughly 30-45 minute drive from Denton to Richardson, that essentially cuts out a half-day of work. The other class is moderately obtrustive, it being on Tuesday from 4-7 p.m. But, again, my compulsive need not to be late for class coupled with the drive and the uncertainty of traffic create another very disruptive schedule accommodation. Throw in a third day, and I knew my boss was going to say “Enough is enough.”
I didn’t really ask her to do that, though. Instead, I essentially framed my conversation with her yesterday thusly: “I will have three classes next semester that conflict with work, and I know that’s not doable given my duties here.”
She agreed, and I honestly believe we both left that conversation more relieved than anything. They’re going to begin searching for my replacement next week, with the hopes of hiring someone around the first of the year. My classes begin Jan. 10, and I doubt I will be employed (in any capacity) by TWU beyond January 31st.
It scares the hell out of me, I don’t mind saying, that I’ve essentially given notice without having something else lined up. I’ve floated a few applications out there to part-time jobs that would by all accounts appear to be flexible in terms of schedule, and I’ve also put the poli sci folks at UTD on notice that I’m hoping for a graduate assistantship in the spring… but, you know, I’ve got *nothing* set up yet.
I am sad to be leaving my job — heat woes and all — because I have invested so much of myself in this position over the last three years. I detest the thermostat, but I genuinely love my job. The people have been wonderful. I have felt, perhaps for the first time in my professional career, that I have made a difference here. A real, palpable, appreciated, respected difference. Not everyone on campus loves me, but you’d be hard pressed to find a critical mass of Liz opponents on campus if you eliminated just one department (and I don’t even necessarily hold them in fault for that, really).
I’m also extremely saddened that my moving on will mean I’m no longer involved (however peripherally) in the student Habitat for Humanity chapter here at TWU. The group of students assembled in that organization has been inspirational to me in countless ways. They are dedicated, hardworking, energetic, and incredibly giving of themselves and their time.
In some ways, my feelings associated with the “Habitat kids,” as I so often call them, remind me why I’m making this change, though. I am so eager to be working as a college instructor/professor that I am willing to sacrifice the fulfillment and enjoyment my job gives me for the promise that I might someday be able to make the impact upon college students that they continue to make upon me. Being around students of their age isn’t always easy or enjoyable, but so often I find such tremendous hope in them. Ignorance, yes, but also compassion. Energy. Curiosity. If, as a college professor, I can find a way to make the material come alive (whatever that material may be), I can reach so many people, inspire so many to become more than what they are. I hope (and intuitively feel) that I have done so with the Habitat kids through my role as their staff advisor, and I am eager to do so again in the classroom.
As I said, in many ways this comes as a tremendous relief to me. I am mentally blocked from suggesting that I am somehow incapable of doing what I’ve been doing, or what I set out to do, by working and going to school full time. I *can* do it, and I’ve been doing it for years now. I would go nuts if I thought someone saw this as an admission of defeat, an admission that I’ve bitten off more than I could chew. I haven’t. I just recognize that I’d much rather excel at one thing than do several mediocre, and the latter is precisely what I’ve been doing for a while now. I always knew my job at TWU would last only three or four years, and I won’t be far from three years when I do leave in a couple of months.
Scary, but comforting, all at the same time.
And that, my friends, is why yesterday’s horoscope made me chuckle so. YES, I have plenty of work to do. Too much, even. And that’s precisely why my life is once again in flux. The place I hate, yet embrace.