I really want to believe that the simple act of believing is powerful enough to make something true. For example, I want to believe that the warm front approaching this weekend marks the end of winter and the beginning of a long, mild, and lovely spring … I *want* to believe this, which is (of course) not the same thing as believing it. Nevertheless, I’m trying really hard to just go with the desire, to set aside my logic, and to just believe. I am. I promise.
Meanwhile, there are other things swirling around in my consciousness that I *can* just believe in, without letting my obsessive overthinking of everything get in the way. For instance, despite the fact that I am not really still in absolutely-no-sugar mode, and am eating basically whatever I want on a daily basis (although the bulk of my choices are good), I just *believe* that I will continue to shrink, albeit slowly. And empirical evidence suggests this belief, however irrational it may be, is well-founded, as I’m almost daily feeling myself shrink inside my clothes, most of which are now becoming too big, even the ones I’ve bought recently, and uncomfortably so at that. (Yay! I’m not complaining!)
And there is more… despite the fact that my logical side knows there’s a very, very miniscule chance I’m going to be awarded lucrative summer research funding from my college within Vanderbilt, I continue to believe that I will, that somehow, my proposal (which I have only barely begun to even think about, much less sketch out on paper) will bubble up in the stack of applications and inspire sufficient hope and excitement among the college administrators that they’ll throw $4500 at me for the summer; if they do, all I (allegedly) have to do for four months is work on my research. Honestly, rationally, I know the chances of this happening are incredibly small, but I believe in the power of believing, and for now, I’m just going with that.
And there are many more areas in which I have tossed out all logic and am proceeding, albeit carefully, on the basis of my gut and the power of believing good things are in store. I don’t have any clue *how* so many of the things I want for myself and my future will happen. But that’s really sort of the beauty of it, isn’t it? Trusting the universe (or maybe it’s just my decades of stored-up good karma?) to take care of me (as always), blocking out the nagging, rationality-seeking voices in my head demanding that I formulate a plan or, at the very least, make a damned list … and allowing myself the luxury of just enjoying myself and each day as it comes, believing that wonderful things, grand adventures, and moments that shimmer with happiness are still to come. I do believe in that.
And you know what? I’m certain — absolutely, utterly convinced — that my believing these things will happen is precisely why they will.