What are you dreaming of?
I want to live where the sunlight lights
Feather-light on my face
I want to leave all this neon and vice
Before the fire inside me dies or finally fades to gray
–The Floating Men, “Fade to Gray,” from the album “Tall Shadows”
It’s a big day here at Chez Liz — moving day!! In less than 12 hours, I’ll have pretty much all my stuff relocated to East Nashville, to the townhouse/duplex that I hope I’ll be able to call home indefinitely. I love the part of town where I’m moving, love that this new place has a fenced-in yard where Rags can do his business, love that I’ll have a yard (but without mowing duties), love that I’ll be more centrally located and, hopefully, eventually, a table big enough to accommodate the dinner parties I haven’t been able to have in more than four years.
I’m so happy. After I turned in my first big paper project, the insomnia finally started to recede, and I’ve now had a full night’s sleep (GOOD sleep) every night for a couple of weeks without needing to take the Ambien. My stress level has come way down. It was a struggle, but I dealt with a complicated situation with my BFF in the only healthy way I could manage … and in doing so, had one of those rare but critical moments where I could step outside myself and see that I’m so much stronger of a person than I realize most of the time. Edward once told me that you have to make the hard choice so you can make the right choice (or something like that), and working through all that was me doing just that.
Getting over the hump of this semester hideous start (FINALLY), getting regular sleep, and making the hard choice? They have all given me tremendous peace and the space to feel happy once again.